Post by Swindle on Aug 26, 2022 8:48:31 GMT -8
Injustice and the Cobra Way
Here we have a rehash of Synthoid Conspiracy, this time using a hero undermine G.I. Joe and replace the president, using the imposter to disband G.I. Joe. This thing isn't even in the same ball park as Synthoid Conspiracy. There's no real tension, the Joes are on their heels in the Sunbow Two Parter, Destro vs Zartan and Cobra Commander tension. Its just the Joes tripping over themselves, a Heavy Duty sounding whiny, and this new hero is easily seen as a Cobra trick.
So Cobra is gonna try to steal the US Constuction. "Grid-Iron to Heavy Duty, we're ready to sack those snake if our information is correct." Football Pun #1 ".... you got your boys ready for the snap?" Football Pun #2 What a shitty team Heavy Duty is leading for this. They all stick out like fireworks and are ill suited for this kind of stuff. Heavy Duty's voice is bad, very bad. Meanwhile, Scoop is heading up another random team in the sewers. None of these teams make sense. Why not use Low Light? These are the Joe regulars, but they decided to give Heavy Duty his debut, but in a mission ill suited for his specialty and Scoop finally gets to talk and is as generic as ever. If we were using his Sunbow counterpart, Mercer, there'd be actual tension of some sort. Grid-Iron, despite the football puns, has the most credibility.
Lets paradrop Laser Vipers in, that makes a hole lot of sense. We have to see that fall safely into a fountain when Joes easily rip through their shoots.
"And the Joe Team is going long..." Football Pun #3 We do see Grid-Iron's siginature weapon and his team shoots some laser vipers into a trash ben. har har hah
This stuff really would make a kid want to own Laser Vipers, huh.
The first lot was just a warm up. Now Night Creeper Leader is here and his crew is using smoke bombs and flares to get down safely, but why do you have to drop in from the sky? Makes no sense. "Cobra's running a screen play, I can't see a thing." Football Pun #4. The Laser Vipers are just not very interesting or convincing as troopers as ground assault cover. Why not use Alley Vipers?
So, GridIron uses his football grenade on the wrong group. Oops. Scoops, "... that Grid-Iron...," sounds so whiny and annoying. Grid-Iron is the 'leader' this episode and should not be shown making foolish decisions.
There's a moment between the head Laser Viper and Night Creeper Leader. Another case of DIC making a troop a 'character' where the Laser Viper is needed to get the item out of the case, ok, we finally have a reason for Laser Vipers to be on hand. Joes can't really fight back because they can't destroy anything. This is all very bland and dumb for what passes for 'action'. Joes retreat, Lead Laser Viper hands over the Constitution and a bit of trash taking between him and Night Creeper Leader. Night Creeper Leader mocks the Joes and Heavy Duty's idea is, "All I have to do is blow up the building and you'll have to drop it!" How'd this guy get on the Joe Team? Stupid. So, Night Creeper Leader gets back at the Laser Viper (and crew) by making them hang on. "ahhh, the only way to fly." Western Airlines Pun #1 ?? This show can't make interesting humor or characters and its all just the lowest form of entertainment such as it is. ZzzzZZzz
Joes haplessly look on as Night Creeper Leader escapes and oh look, here's our Hector Ramirez replacement, Jose Riviera, who is not as compelling at all because here he just exists to rub the Joe's failure in their faces. "What are you doing here, you weaselly little pest?" You in case a kid watching thought Jose had any merit as a reporter, we gotta be heat over the head he is scum. No such thing as nuance here. "Are you trying to make us stupid or something?" He may be scum, but at least he isn't a loser like Heavy Duty. He's one step removed from stepping in doo doo like Jar Jar would. Man, Havy Duty is sad and grim. Again, this really would make a kid want to own this guy. All we've seen is his gear is awkward and he's a clutz and he complains.
"Who are what is that?" "He's crazy, that's what he is!" Always with excellent observation, Heavy Duty! "He's not crazy, he's a super hero!" This is like if this were a comic book, sure, you see someone flying around in a costume, you assume he's a super hero, but this is not a comic book, both Heavy Duty and Jose's conclusions seem dumb.
"You got a real name pal, or are you just another mysterious masked avenger?" You've dealt with superheroes before, Heavy Duty? "My name is Serpent Man and I am named after the proud and patriotic don't tread on me liberty flag of our American ancestors." Well, at least there's an explanation for his name, but come on! Shouldn't Night Creeper Leader be in United States custody now? Who gives a fucks, I guess.
Serpent Man gets an award from the female president, I think there as a female president in Captain Planet as well. My cynical mind is this was pushing for Hillary eventually, this was the 90s, Serpent Man suggests a parade to honor the Joes, and our female president does remark it would make a good photo opt. You usually wouldn't make your leader of the country seem self-interested. So, the story telling in this episode really makes everyone look shitty along the way. You aren't really rooting for anyone.
Why is Serpent Man overseeing the Joe's security plans? Why is the Joes running security for an event to honor them, shouldn't the secret service be in charge with the president there? None of this makes any sense. Bitch and moan from Heavy Duty.... "Sometimes you just gotta know when to punt!" Football Pun #3 Ugh
So, the whole thing is a scam to kidnap the president. The microphone becoming a rope is quite interesting. We see the pink helmet green shirts or whatever. This all feels so very lame. There's a lack of real tension. I don't buy the president, I don't buy the set up. I don't buy any of this.
Next beat is the Joes go after, Joes fight one another, and then stand aside as Serpent Man swoops in to save the day. Beat by beat there's no surprises, nothing interesting going aside from Heavy Duty looking like a loser in every scene he's featured in. Even needs help getting up.
The president is playing cards with the bad guys. No one can hit Serpent Man, oh and SAW Viper randomly shows up now. The paper copy makes it seem like Serpent Man and the president are the DIC version of Superman and Lois.
The endgame here is to shut down GIJoe and make Serpent Man Attorney General/Secretary of Defense. None of this would ever happen the way its happening. I do like Heavy Duty's bitch face throughout the episode as all this is happening, but this is so dumb.
Time for that cringe 'comedy music' with a stereotypical interior design guy showing up. As if a military base would be turned into a tennis store. That is not possible in any kind of world. But this scene is there to keep reminding you, this isn't serious just keep laughing.
"Talk about getting the boot!" 
"Relax, Heavy Duty, someone is pulling a double reverse on us and we don't want to be penalized unnecessarily! Joe Team, huddle up!" Fuck, he managed three football puns in that one. Football Pun #4 and #5 and #6
So, they end up looking in the sewers. Listen to Heavy Duty when he says, "This watch, I think it belongs to the president." It might be the single worst line reading I've heard thus far. I suppose this his hero moment. So, the president that was rescued has a watch, meaning the real one is still captured. Of course, Heavy Duty is too stupid to realize this, Scoop explains things. "But the question is, will we live to find out?" Heavy Duty asks as the Serpent Sled attacks as they go to commercial. This kind of meta speaking to the audience is cringe.
Joes get away from the Serpent bot, pop up at a 'secret base' and Jose is there to bitch about it, calling their actions practically treasonous. WTF? Who is he to say that? And he orders them to surrender. On what grounds. He's just fucking tabloid press. What's he doing there anyway?
We get a very brief scene where the Joes are branded criminals. And they end up hiding out at Millard Fillmore's statue. No one knows or cares who he is, so least likely place to look for them. Ok, if we are doing a Joes on the run episode, it should firmly be a military character, not the freaking press bringing pressure. And them being on the run shouldn't start 4 mins left in the episode.
So, the Joes are just gonna climb into the White House. this feels like play time with a toddler. None of this is even possible. The president is looking to sell White House stuff for cash. The Joes attack and Scoop gets his ass handed to him. Hilarious. "Oh dear, President Masson must be having another juicy armament with her cabinet." This show is incapable of real situations/real humor/real reactions to events. Its just one low effect chuckle after another.
The president does well for herself until leaning back into Grid Iron behind her, who cuffs her and unmasks her. Oh, "Its Zarana the Cobra Agent!" Then the animation pans back and its still masked. Can't even get the reveal right. Serpent Man gets her out of there, but not before being bugged. One brief moment where the Joes trash Jose Riviera for being slow on the uptick about whats going on. "So go play with yourmin-cam dick and let us do our jobs!" The closest thing to humor this episode? And adult humor at that even if its low hanging sex comedy humor. How'd the Joes get this air craft, aren't they still wanted? Ah who gives a fuck. They are running out of episode run time. LOL
We do see a Cobra Base and some Range Vipers. "Fight to the end, Cobra!" says Zarana as she fleas. Sounding nothing like her voice actress in prior appearances. "Wait for me!" You can just fly away, Serpent Man. In fact, this suit seems much more useful than the Cobra troops featured in episodes. Man a bunch of Serpent Man Vipers.
We get Heavy Duty vs Night Creeper Leader doing a riff on Indiana Jones:
Then Scoop vs Laser Viper, so everyone gets a hero moment:
So, Grid Iron removes Serpent Man's mask, its Cobra Commander, who'd have guessed. Cobra Commander had noticably asbant from this episode and usually one of the few redeeming factors. The voice work was missed this episode. But then Grid Iron goes for Cobra Commander's mask as if there's some secret. Several Joes saw him unmasked in Dragonfire, including Scoop I think. He's just a snake like man now in DIC-verse. His face isn't a mystery. Of course, the dirty reality of Dragonfire is the moment he put on that battle armor, they started downplaying it all and he's just Cobra Commander again and none of that matters. So, for DIC regular season episodes, he's just a regular man underneath that mask.
Cobra Commander gets away. The Joes discover it had a voice synthesizer so he could sound like a generic super hero, oh and Jose, "is it safe" gets a he-really-is-a-coward so we know the other antagonist of the episode sucks. And the president makes sure everyone knows GIJoe is back at the forefront of the country's defense, complete with a cringe Yo Joe of her own.
This is definitely below average. Grid-Iron is really the only person you can root for. Heavy Duty is an embarrassing buttmonkey, Scoop is generic non-character. If we're gonna have Zarana, at least give us some fan service. Serpent Man is amusing for maybe 1 scene. DIC doesn't understand the reason for Hector Ramirez is to provide credible world building. The episode takes too long to get moving also. Ditch Scoop and put Lady Jaye in his place, I think the Joe side of things is a bit easier to swallow and you could build Grid-Iron and her's relationship.
I give this about 1 3/4 stars out of 4. It's not great. Definitely bottom of the pile imo.
Here we have a rehash of Synthoid Conspiracy, this time using a hero undermine G.I. Joe and replace the president, using the imposter to disband G.I. Joe. This thing isn't even in the same ball park as Synthoid Conspiracy. There's no real tension, the Joes are on their heels in the Sunbow Two Parter, Destro vs Zartan and Cobra Commander tension. Its just the Joes tripping over themselves, a Heavy Duty sounding whiny, and this new hero is easily seen as a Cobra trick.
So Cobra is gonna try to steal the US Constuction. "Grid-Iron to Heavy Duty, we're ready to sack those snake if our information is correct." Football Pun #1 ".... you got your boys ready for the snap?" Football Pun #2 What a shitty team Heavy Duty is leading for this. They all stick out like fireworks and are ill suited for this kind of stuff. Heavy Duty's voice is bad, very bad. Meanwhile, Scoop is heading up another random team in the sewers. None of these teams make sense. Why not use Low Light? These are the Joe regulars, but they decided to give Heavy Duty his debut, but in a mission ill suited for his specialty and Scoop finally gets to talk and is as generic as ever. If we were using his Sunbow counterpart, Mercer, there'd be actual tension of some sort. Grid-Iron, despite the football puns, has the most credibility.
Lets paradrop Laser Vipers in, that makes a hole lot of sense. We have to see that fall safely into a fountain when Joes easily rip through their shoots.
"And the Joe Team is going long..." Football Pun #3 We do see Grid-Iron's siginature weapon and his team shoots some laser vipers into a trash ben. har har hah
This stuff really would make a kid want to own Laser Vipers, huh.The first lot was just a warm up. Now Night Creeper Leader is here and his crew is using smoke bombs and flares to get down safely, but why do you have to drop in from the sky? Makes no sense. "Cobra's running a screen play, I can't see a thing." Football Pun #4. The Laser Vipers are just not very interesting or convincing as troopers as ground assault cover. Why not use Alley Vipers?
So, GridIron uses his football grenade on the wrong group. Oops. Scoops, "... that Grid-Iron...," sounds so whiny and annoying. Grid-Iron is the 'leader' this episode and should not be shown making foolish decisions.
There's a moment between the head Laser Viper and Night Creeper Leader. Another case of DIC making a troop a 'character' where the Laser Viper is needed to get the item out of the case, ok, we finally have a reason for Laser Vipers to be on hand. Joes can't really fight back because they can't destroy anything. This is all very bland and dumb for what passes for 'action'. Joes retreat, Lead Laser Viper hands over the Constitution and a bit of trash taking between him and Night Creeper Leader. Night Creeper Leader mocks the Joes and Heavy Duty's idea is, "All I have to do is blow up the building and you'll have to drop it!" How'd this guy get on the Joe Team? Stupid. So, Night Creeper Leader gets back at the Laser Viper (and crew) by making them hang on. "ahhh, the only way to fly." Western Airlines Pun #1 ?? This show can't make interesting humor or characters and its all just the lowest form of entertainment such as it is. ZzzzZZzz
Joes haplessly look on as Night Creeper Leader escapes and oh look, here's our Hector Ramirez replacement, Jose Riviera, who is not as compelling at all because here he just exists to rub the Joe's failure in their faces. "What are you doing here, you weaselly little pest?" You in case a kid watching thought Jose had any merit as a reporter, we gotta be heat over the head he is scum. No such thing as nuance here. "Are you trying to make us stupid or something?" He may be scum, but at least he isn't a loser like Heavy Duty. He's one step removed from stepping in doo doo like Jar Jar would. Man, Havy Duty is sad and grim. Again, this really would make a kid want to own this guy. All we've seen is his gear is awkward and he's a clutz and he complains.
"Who are what is that?" "He's crazy, that's what he is!" Always with excellent observation, Heavy Duty! "He's not crazy, he's a super hero!" This is like if this were a comic book, sure, you see someone flying around in a costume, you assume he's a super hero, but this is not a comic book, both Heavy Duty and Jose's conclusions seem dumb.
"You got a real name pal, or are you just another mysterious masked avenger?" You've dealt with superheroes before, Heavy Duty? "My name is Serpent Man and I am named after the proud and patriotic don't tread on me liberty flag of our American ancestors." Well, at least there's an explanation for his name, but come on! Shouldn't Night Creeper Leader be in United States custody now? Who gives a fucks, I guess.
Serpent Man gets an award from the female president, I think there as a female president in Captain Planet as well. My cynical mind is this was pushing for Hillary eventually, this was the 90s, Serpent Man suggests a parade to honor the Joes, and our female president does remark it would make a good photo opt. You usually wouldn't make your leader of the country seem self-interested. So, the story telling in this episode really makes everyone look shitty along the way. You aren't really rooting for anyone.
Why is Serpent Man overseeing the Joe's security plans? Why is the Joes running security for an event to honor them, shouldn't the secret service be in charge with the president there? None of this makes any sense. Bitch and moan from Heavy Duty.... "Sometimes you just gotta know when to punt!" Football Pun #3 Ugh
So, the whole thing is a scam to kidnap the president. The microphone becoming a rope is quite interesting. We see the pink helmet green shirts or whatever. This all feels so very lame. There's a lack of real tension. I don't buy the president, I don't buy the set up. I don't buy any of this.
Next beat is the Joes go after, Joes fight one another, and then stand aside as Serpent Man swoops in to save the day. Beat by beat there's no surprises, nothing interesting going aside from Heavy Duty looking like a loser in every scene he's featured in. Even needs help getting up.
The president is playing cards with the bad guys. No one can hit Serpent Man, oh and SAW Viper randomly shows up now. The paper copy makes it seem like Serpent Man and the president are the DIC version of Superman and Lois.
The endgame here is to shut down GIJoe and make Serpent Man Attorney General/Secretary of Defense. None of this would ever happen the way its happening. I do like Heavy Duty's bitch face throughout the episode as all this is happening, but this is so dumb.
Time for that cringe 'comedy music' with a stereotypical interior design guy showing up. As if a military base would be turned into a tennis store. That is not possible in any kind of world. But this scene is there to keep reminding you, this isn't serious just keep laughing.
"Talk about getting the boot!" 
"Relax, Heavy Duty, someone is pulling a double reverse on us and we don't want to be penalized unnecessarily! Joe Team, huddle up!" Fuck, he managed three football puns in that one. Football Pun #4 and #5 and #6
So, they end up looking in the sewers. Listen to Heavy Duty when he says, "This watch, I think it belongs to the president." It might be the single worst line reading I've heard thus far. I suppose this his hero moment. So, the president that was rescued has a watch, meaning the real one is still captured. Of course, Heavy Duty is too stupid to realize this, Scoop explains things. "But the question is, will we live to find out?" Heavy Duty asks as the Serpent Sled attacks as they go to commercial. This kind of meta speaking to the audience is cringe.
Joes get away from the Serpent bot, pop up at a 'secret base' and Jose is there to bitch about it, calling their actions practically treasonous. WTF? Who is he to say that? And he orders them to surrender. On what grounds. He's just fucking tabloid press. What's he doing there anyway?
We get a very brief scene where the Joes are branded criminals. And they end up hiding out at Millard Fillmore's statue. No one knows or cares who he is, so least likely place to look for them. Ok, if we are doing a Joes on the run episode, it should firmly be a military character, not the freaking press bringing pressure. And them being on the run shouldn't start 4 mins left in the episode.
So, the Joes are just gonna climb into the White House. this feels like play time with a toddler. None of this is even possible. The president is looking to sell White House stuff for cash. The Joes attack and Scoop gets his ass handed to him. Hilarious. "Oh dear, President Masson must be having another juicy armament with her cabinet." This show is incapable of real situations/real humor/real reactions to events. Its just one low effect chuckle after another.
The president does well for herself until leaning back into Grid Iron behind her, who cuffs her and unmasks her. Oh, "Its Zarana the Cobra Agent!" Then the animation pans back and its still masked. Can't even get the reveal right. Serpent Man gets her out of there, but not before being bugged. One brief moment where the Joes trash Jose Riviera for being slow on the uptick about whats going on. "So go play with your
We do see a Cobra Base and some Range Vipers. "Fight to the end, Cobra!" says Zarana as she fleas. Sounding nothing like her voice actress in prior appearances. "Wait for me!" You can just fly away, Serpent Man. In fact, this suit seems much more useful than the Cobra troops featured in episodes. Man a bunch of Serpent Man Vipers.
We get Heavy Duty vs Night Creeper Leader doing a riff on Indiana Jones:
Then Scoop vs Laser Viper, so everyone gets a hero moment:
So, Grid Iron removes Serpent Man's mask, its Cobra Commander, who'd have guessed. Cobra Commander had noticably asbant from this episode and usually one of the few redeeming factors. The voice work was missed this episode. But then Grid Iron goes for Cobra Commander's mask as if there's some secret. Several Joes saw him unmasked in Dragonfire, including Scoop I think. He's just a snake like man now in DIC-verse. His face isn't a mystery. Of course, the dirty reality of Dragonfire is the moment he put on that battle armor, they started downplaying it all and he's just Cobra Commander again and none of that matters. So, for DIC regular season episodes, he's just a regular man underneath that mask.
Cobra Commander gets away. The Joes discover it had a voice synthesizer so he could sound like a generic super hero, oh and Jose, "is it safe" gets a he-really-is-a-coward so we know the other antagonist of the episode sucks. And the president makes sure everyone knows GIJoe is back at the forefront of the country's defense, complete with a cringe Yo Joe of her own.
This is definitely below average. Grid-Iron is really the only person you can root for. Heavy Duty is an embarrassing buttmonkey, Scoop is generic non-character. If we're gonna have Zarana, at least give us some fan service. Serpent Man is amusing for maybe 1 scene. DIC doesn't understand the reason for Hector Ramirez is to provide credible world building. The episode takes too long to get moving also. Ditch Scoop and put Lady Jaye in his place, I think the Joe side of things is a bit easier to swallow and you could build Grid-Iron and her's relationship.
I give this about 1 3/4 stars out of 4. It's not great. Definitely bottom of the pile imo.
