Post by Swindle on Sept 5, 2022 11:43:57 GMT -8
General Confusion
This is another one of those try to get the government to cut GIJoe's funding episodes (with again a Cobra agent in a position to advocate for cutting their budget, ala Synthoid Conspiracy). And the added bonus of Cobra wanting to take the General for themselves. I will give this episode one thing, it drives home to a kid, the General is the best!bestist!best land vehicle you can own. And it does feature quite a big of legacy characters from Sunbow. And Zarana gets featured. So, this is a step up from Generic Joe 1, 2, 3, however, trappings of DIC shit tropes are still here as we'll see.
Set up: Joes in South America to clear out Cobra who are taking explosive tree sap? Cobra has always been shown a little toothless in development and dread on their own as many episodes in DIC shows them as thieves needing to take stuff they can't develop on their own. It really limits the scope of Cobra, where in Sunbow we always saw them having bases all over the place and doing weapons/bio development. I also think its sad to see Destro repeatedly reduced to that kind of stuff.
Cream Off our Russian stereotype gives us the set up. Rampart is seen, but mute. Thank the Lord. The debut of Big Ben, "Well, old chap..." Make it stop! Fuck, first lines have to be low hanging tropey shit. They really have no idea how to actually develop characters. Its the lowest possible idea of what an uninformed American would think a foreigner would be like. Why would you damage the inside of the General to show up the exposed trees? Well, the episode needed to show it to those watching, but why not outside? We get this kind of idea in Captives of Cobra, but the demonstration is much more logical; GIJoe is actually professional and their removal and disposal has much more credibility as a real military operation. DIC takes too many shortcuts in storytelling. "Jolly good show!" Shut up, Big Ben!
We get introduced to Zarana as a Gov penny pincher, in MASS Baroness' was purposely off putting and again, have comments had more credibility. The numbers Zarana runs, if you listen to them closely, I don't believe them. Zarana's character is cute and at first does seem like she could be an actual one off character like you'd see in Sunbow, but later on it becomes clear that its all a set up.
Coolness factor goes from zero to ten as finally mother fucking Low Light gets a speaking role in a regular season DIC episode. He is one of the few who manages to avoid getting the DIC shit on him. The coolest thing in DIC, by far. Rampart looks like a complete dork being mute. Low Light found Cobra's operation oh, using those shitty Dominators we've seen in prior episodes to be jokes, but now kids should have it itched in stone the Dominator sucks and you should not want to own it. LOL
"Big Ben, I just want to thank you for being so... *corporative* ... "... why don't you call me, Deborah." This is our sexy time/‎Skinemax cringe dialogue. Its either shit children's writing or its shit after midnight adult premium tv writing. But its never good writing. Dusty and Sandstorm, mainly to feature the pet, which is decent use of screen time, ala Spirit and Freedom or Mutt and Junkyard. Sci Fi as our final Sunbow legacy character, he has the least to do in this episode, but he speaks and its nice to see him. Heavy Dooky and his bad voice acting, sadly is around, but thankfully not a focus. There's some good, and some bad in character selection. Not real leadership presence, seems like Low Light is calling the shots, which I'm fine with as you might as well have the coolest one leading the DIC dork Joes.
Why would you have Metal Head involved in this operation, Destro? Explosive trees and Metal Head doesn't seem like a good idea. It just feels like Destro, back in Sunbow, dismissed Zartan as con man and the Dreadknoks as useless, here he has someone even more incompetent and also more dangerous to cause damage. Destro I feel like is very much undercut as this amazing tactician he was in Sunbow. He feels like Cobra Commander's errand boy in DIC. Cobra does have a mountain base with elevated missile bunker deals that vaguely remember me of the GIJoe Battle Bunker. We do see Sandstorm in action and Metal Head does what Metal Head does. This is decent as it is showing play features/why a kid would want a Joe who includes a pet.
Then we get the General in action to create a chain reaction to destroy Cobra's base. Low Light feeds the coordinates and it takes a couple tries. This actually feels a little true to life. So, we see how the General can be useful from distance, again, showing a child play patterns. Crimson Guard Immortals are just rando troops in this episode. Low Light does a goofy celebration when they destroy Cobra's base, oh well.
So, there was plenty so-so action, Zarana doing the number crunching, and the standard named villains escape moment. All very bland and by the numbers. But not horrible or anything, just fucking generic.
The cost ends up being a tad under 9 mil for the mission. First off, that number seems low. Second off, that's pocket change to the US government. They'd be happy if that'd be the amount needed to shut down a Cobra operation to get a big supply of explosives. Give me a fucking break. So, they are gonna get their vehicles gimped and have to do some war games as a place called the Battle World Proving Grounds, sort of like Westword/Future World etc. Big Ben defends his would be gf, but Low Light is having none of it. "Not only did you bring back a jar of explosive sap as a souvenir, but Doctor Cardey has made you into a sap (simp)." Cream Off of course knows what matters, "... and I might as well return to Mother Russia and never see cable tv again!" You might not ever see DIC GIJoe again, so it sounds like a winner to me.
So, we get the reveal. Its Zarana! And its her plan. That's kind of cool. They plan on capturing the Joes and taking the General for themselves. Zarana turns into Lady Jaye briefly.
So, Cobra is too cheap to actually use androids for the games, so its just Cobra troops pretending to be androids. And the Joes are too stupid to see this is a setup from the start. We get the debut of Sand Scorpions with one serving as a rival to Duty ala Range Viper vs Capt. GridIron in a prior episode. Its not as lame here, but still its kind of the shits because the voice acting for this Sand Scorpion is lame.
Cream Off is stupid and just goes along with being escorted by Cobra forces off the battle ground. Cobra could just kill him right there and secure the General or at least take him into custody. But Cobra being stupid lets him lay around at a lake... for reasons.
"They bought it! Even that Russian buffoon in the General!" HAHAHA an excellent description of Cream Off, Zarana! We get an explanation of Cobra's con on fake androids and randomly an Incinerator acting as a tech/commutations guy at a terminal. Really miss Tele-Vipers, huh.
The Joe team end up going down one by one. This is one of the few times Cobra stuff will be shown capable, but we know the Joes are gimped and they think its fake, so this is hollow victories for Cobra. You are telling kids Cobra needs all sorts of advantages to have a shot.
Holy Shit, no one ejected from that Hurricane! The Sand Scorpions will stand straight up and submerge into the sand, animation being cheap can't come up with anything better, but its kind of cool all the same. Incinerators show up, feel out of place. Dusty catches on that this is real. So so action typical of DIC. Nothing too bad, but nothing outstanding.
Cream Off chilling like a villain. Both him and Cobra look stupid. If the General matters so much, get it out of there and shot this fucker. DIC always manages to make all look like fools.
We do get a show down between pet handlers. The scorpion is a giant one but Sandstorm loosens a rock and that's all she wrote. Dusty lets the animal fall to its doom. Hahaha
Ben Big and Sci Fi show up, but dorky looking Rock Vipers are on this. This is sad, three Rock Vipers takes out a GIJoe helicopter. This stretches believability. I don't care how gimped the Joes are, it'd take at least 20 Cobra troops imo.
We get the rematch of Sand Scorpion and Dusty. What is Dusty going to do at the top anyway? Its dumb plan, but one thing I forgot to mention, Dusty's pet Sandstorm seems to be the brains of the team anyway and he escapes in a ludicrous fasion. Something out of Flipper or Lassie? Its lame regardless.
"Just wait until that love sick Big Ben finds out who he's really fallen for!" Destro and Cobra Commander really seem to be rubbing it in to Zarana, hey, no one wants to be with a slut like you.
Zarana offers to be with Big Ben if he 'resigns' from GIJoe. You mean, change sides, become a traitor? There's much better ways this could have been scripted.
"Betray GIJoe for the love of a Dreadknok snake, I could never sink that low!" Ouch. Poor Zarana. But if this was James Bond, he'd get her in bed, have his way with her, and then turn the tables, but Big Ben instead cries like a bitch over being fooled.
Destro and Cobra Commander enjoy slut shaming Zarana, pissing her off. "I told you he'd be repulsed." "Yes, isn't it delightful!" "Shut your gobs, both of you!" Its quite interesting to see Cobra reduced to 90210 shit. Zarana also gives Big Ben a telling off and Big Ben speaks, but its supposed to be Sci Fi. Rejection isn't easy and having your 'friends' rub it in also makes it worse. The message here is Destro and Cobra Commander are right about Zarana and no one should want to be with her. The Sunbow Mainframe/Zarana stuff was on the noise, but at least it had some stakes and tension and internal conflict. This is just telling anyone watching Zarana is a slut, stay away from sluts.
So, Sandstorm helps Big Ben notice a huge crack in the wall, Cobra being idiots, didn't search him, so he's able to use the tree sap to escape and go meet up with Cream Off and easily take the General, because Cobra guards suck. Cobra's ability in this episode is all based on plot needs.
A gimped General vs Cobra's command base, no problem. I do like how the General itself crashes through into the central command room. Zarana briefly turns into Lady Jaye, her regular self, and back as this is all happening. GIJoes funding will go on and Sandstorm will get to eat like a king. The General solves your problems, kids! "Now that's what I call a jolly good show," Big Ben says almost breaking the forth wall. Shut up, Big Ben!
I actually like this episode. There's a lot going on, many different troops and characters. The Cobra scheme isn't half bad. Low Light is cool to see in the first half, we get featured play patterns of the General and pets. Zarana is always good to see.
3 out of 4 stars.
This is another one of those try to get the government to cut GIJoe's funding episodes (with again a Cobra agent in a position to advocate for cutting their budget, ala Synthoid Conspiracy). And the added bonus of Cobra wanting to take the General for themselves. I will give this episode one thing, it drives home to a kid, the General is the best!bestist!best land vehicle you can own. And it does feature quite a big of legacy characters from Sunbow. And Zarana gets featured. So, this is a step up from Generic Joe 1, 2, 3, however, trappings of DIC shit tropes are still here as we'll see.
Set up: Joes in South America to clear out Cobra who are taking explosive tree sap? Cobra has always been shown a little toothless in development and dread on their own as many episodes in DIC shows them as thieves needing to take stuff they can't develop on their own. It really limits the scope of Cobra, where in Sunbow we always saw them having bases all over the place and doing weapons/bio development. I also think its sad to see Destro repeatedly reduced to that kind of stuff.
Cream Off our Russian stereotype gives us the set up. Rampart is seen, but mute. Thank the Lord. The debut of Big Ben, "Well, old chap..." Make it stop! Fuck, first lines have to be low hanging tropey shit. They really have no idea how to actually develop characters. Its the lowest possible idea of what an uninformed American would think a foreigner would be like. Why would you damage the inside of the General to show up the exposed trees? Well, the episode needed to show it to those watching, but why not outside? We get this kind of idea in Captives of Cobra, but the demonstration is much more logical; GIJoe is actually professional and their removal and disposal has much more credibility as a real military operation. DIC takes too many shortcuts in storytelling. "Jolly good show!" Shut up, Big Ben!
We get introduced to Zarana as a Gov penny pincher, in MASS Baroness' was purposely off putting and again, have comments had more credibility. The numbers Zarana runs, if you listen to them closely, I don't believe them. Zarana's character is cute and at first does seem like she could be an actual one off character like you'd see in Sunbow, but later on it becomes clear that its all a set up.
Coolness factor goes from zero to ten as finally mother fucking Low Light gets a speaking role in a regular season DIC episode. He is one of the few who manages to avoid getting the DIC shit on him. The coolest thing in DIC, by far. Rampart looks like a complete dork being mute. Low Light found Cobra's operation oh, using those shitty Dominators we've seen in prior episodes to be jokes, but now kids should have it itched in stone the Dominator sucks and you should not want to own it. LOL
"Big Ben, I just want to thank you for being so... *corporative* ... "... why don't you call me, Deborah." This is our sexy time/‎Skinemax cringe dialogue. Its either shit children's writing or its shit after midnight adult premium tv writing. But its never good writing. Dusty and Sandstorm, mainly to feature the pet, which is decent use of screen time, ala Spirit and Freedom or Mutt and Junkyard. Sci Fi as our final Sunbow legacy character, he has the least to do in this episode, but he speaks and its nice to see him. Heavy Dooky and his bad voice acting, sadly is around, but thankfully not a focus. There's some good, and some bad in character selection. Not real leadership presence, seems like Low Light is calling the shots, which I'm fine with as you might as well have the coolest one leading the DIC dork Joes.
Why would you have Metal Head involved in this operation, Destro? Explosive trees and Metal Head doesn't seem like a good idea. It just feels like Destro, back in Sunbow, dismissed Zartan as con man and the Dreadknoks as useless, here he has someone even more incompetent and also more dangerous to cause damage. Destro I feel like is very much undercut as this amazing tactician he was in Sunbow. He feels like Cobra Commander's errand boy in DIC. Cobra does have a mountain base with elevated missile bunker deals that vaguely remember me of the GIJoe Battle Bunker. We do see Sandstorm in action and Metal Head does what Metal Head does. This is decent as it is showing play features/why a kid would want a Joe who includes a pet.
Then we get the General in action to create a chain reaction to destroy Cobra's base. Low Light feeds the coordinates and it takes a couple tries. This actually feels a little true to life. So, we see how the General can be useful from distance, again, showing a child play patterns. Crimson Guard Immortals are just rando troops in this episode. Low Light does a goofy celebration when they destroy Cobra's base, oh well.
So, there was plenty so-so action, Zarana doing the number crunching, and the standard named villains escape moment. All very bland and by the numbers. But not horrible or anything, just fucking generic.
The cost ends up being a tad under 9 mil for the mission. First off, that number seems low. Second off, that's pocket change to the US government. They'd be happy if that'd be the amount needed to shut down a Cobra operation to get a big supply of explosives. Give me a fucking break. So, they are gonna get their vehicles gimped and have to do some war games as a place called the Battle World Proving Grounds, sort of like Westword/Future World etc. Big Ben defends his would be gf, but Low Light is having none of it. "Not only did you bring back a jar of explosive sap as a souvenir, but Doctor Cardey has made you into a sap (simp)." Cream Off of course knows what matters, "... and I might as well return to Mother Russia and never see cable tv again!" You might not ever see DIC GIJoe again, so it sounds like a winner to me.
So, we get the reveal. Its Zarana! And its her plan. That's kind of cool. They plan on capturing the Joes and taking the General for themselves. Zarana turns into Lady Jaye briefly.
So, Cobra is too cheap to actually use androids for the games, so its just Cobra troops pretending to be androids. And the Joes are too stupid to see this is a setup from the start. We get the debut of Sand Scorpions with one serving as a rival to Duty ala Range Viper vs Capt. GridIron in a prior episode. Its not as lame here, but still its kind of the shits because the voice acting for this Sand Scorpion is lame.
Cream Off is stupid and just goes along with being escorted by Cobra forces off the battle ground. Cobra could just kill him right there and secure the General or at least take him into custody. But Cobra being stupid lets him lay around at a lake... for reasons.
"They bought it! Even that Russian buffoon in the General!" HAHAHA an excellent description of Cream Off, Zarana! We get an explanation of Cobra's con on fake androids and randomly an Incinerator acting as a tech/commutations guy at a terminal. Really miss Tele-Vipers, huh.
The Joe team end up going down one by one. This is one of the few times Cobra stuff will be shown capable, but we know the Joes are gimped and they think its fake, so this is hollow victories for Cobra. You are telling kids Cobra needs all sorts of advantages to have a shot.
Holy Shit, no one ejected from that Hurricane! The Sand Scorpions will stand straight up and submerge into the sand, animation being cheap can't come up with anything better, but its kind of cool all the same. Incinerators show up, feel out of place. Dusty catches on that this is real. So so action typical of DIC. Nothing too bad, but nothing outstanding.
Cream Off chilling like a villain. Both him and Cobra look stupid. If the General matters so much, get it out of there and shot this fucker. DIC always manages to make all look like fools.
We do get a show down between pet handlers. The scorpion is a giant one but Sandstorm loosens a rock and that's all she wrote. Dusty lets the animal fall to its doom. Hahaha
Ben Big and Sci Fi show up, but dorky looking Rock Vipers are on this. This is sad, three Rock Vipers takes out a GIJoe helicopter. This stretches believability. I don't care how gimped the Joes are, it'd take at least 20 Cobra troops imo.
We get the rematch of Sand Scorpion and Dusty. What is Dusty going to do at the top anyway? Its dumb plan, but one thing I forgot to mention, Dusty's pet Sandstorm seems to be the brains of the team anyway and he escapes in a ludicrous fasion. Something out of Flipper or Lassie? Its lame regardless.
"Just wait until that love sick Big Ben finds out who he's really fallen for!" Destro and Cobra Commander really seem to be rubbing it in to Zarana, hey, no one wants to be with a slut like you.
Zarana offers to be with Big Ben if he 'resigns' from GIJoe. You mean, change sides, become a traitor? There's much better ways this could have been scripted.
"Betray GIJoe for the love of a Dreadknok snake, I could never sink that low!" Ouch. Poor Zarana. But if this was James Bond, he'd get her in bed, have his way with her, and then turn the tables, but Big Ben instead cries like a bitch over being fooled.
Destro and Cobra Commander enjoy slut shaming Zarana, pissing her off. "I told you he'd be repulsed." "Yes, isn't it delightful!" "Shut your gobs, both of you!" Its quite interesting to see Cobra reduced to 90210 shit. Zarana also gives Big Ben a telling off and Big Ben speaks, but its supposed to be Sci Fi. Rejection isn't easy and having your 'friends' rub it in also makes it worse. The message here is Destro and Cobra Commander are right about Zarana and no one should want to be with her. The Sunbow Mainframe/Zarana stuff was on the noise, but at least it had some stakes and tension and internal conflict. This is just telling anyone watching Zarana is a slut, stay away from sluts.
So, Sandstorm helps Big Ben notice a huge crack in the wall, Cobra being idiots, didn't search him, so he's able to use the tree sap to escape and go meet up with Cream Off and easily take the General, because Cobra guards suck. Cobra's ability in this episode is all based on plot needs.
A gimped General vs Cobra's command base, no problem. I do like how the General itself crashes through into the central command room. Zarana briefly turns into Lady Jaye, her regular self, and back as this is all happening. GIJoes funding will go on and Sandstorm will get to eat like a king. The General solves your problems, kids! "Now that's what I call a jolly good show," Big Ben says almost breaking the forth wall. Shut up, Big Ben!
I actually like this episode. There's a lot going on, many different troops and characters. The Cobra scheme isn't half bad. Low Light is cool to see in the first half, we get featured play patterns of the General and pets. Zarana is always good to see.
3 out of 4 stars.
